My Stalker: Part 1: Trigger Tripped

Someone with whom I've been cultivating a friendship with, who (CLAIMS he) was a social worker in the past, has been jokingly accusing me of being a hypochondriac. Couple this up with other shit, like asking leading questions, then when I answer, he drones on about me being a narcissist and a hypochondriac. It's been happening with more regularity, and isn't something I can ignore. I find it appalling actually.

I've been harboring some awkward feelings for a while, little red flags popping up along the way (total time: six months), until LAST Monday. Starting Monday afternoon, I was avoiding him for several days, and he kept calling my desk (and hanging up). I really have nothing more to say. But I fear/feel it's going to get confrontational.

Monday was the tipping point. After spending (what I believe is/was my final lunch hour socializing with him, a full hour, I might add), he insisted on calling me later, to let me know he went home to get my book. This was a needless call, as my routine, at day's end, is to pass his desk on the way out. I refused to pick up the call (it went to voicemail), and I refused to call him back.

He's demanding too much of my time (and hello, I'm married--and no, I haven't gotten any indication that he's got romantic inclinations towards me). But still, this weird attachment and ever-increasing demands of time have been chapping my ass. I mean, okay, I was socializing with him DURING MY LUNCH HOUR (and not every single day, but a lot of days, consistently), and if that weren't bad enough, trying to leave by way of the lobby is like a conversational bear trap which I cannot seem to extricate myself cleanly. Then, the increasing telephone calls. I don't have the stamina or give a fuck for this!

Tuesday, he called my desk FOUR TIMES, and each time, did not leave a voicemail. He just kept calling thinking surely I'd pick up. And if he just called, and an unlisted caller called me, I'd avoid picking up that call, too, thinking it was him.

Wednesday was a mirror image of Tuesday with more calls.

So Wednesday, I succinctly pecked out my thoughts, printed it up, and folded it up tightly. I had it in my pocket so when interaction was inescapable, I could (AND DID!) pull this out and say something glib like "talk later," and then continue walking with a purpose away from him.

It's essentially a "FUCK YOU BOMB," because I've been too damned Churchill-ian* in my responses in person, up until the point I gave this printed up note.

The note, in entirety reads:

Since you are not reading the cues on my face or my body language, perhaps reading words on a page will articulate this best:

1. When you call me a hypochondriac, I do not find this funny. I find it damaging and insulting.

2. When you say you don't believe that I am actually depressed, I find it damaging and presumptuous.

3. When you laugh about this, I find it damaging and mocking.

I need my space.

Thursday, the inescapable happened on Thursday, as he's been stalking me on the security cameras at work, and if he sees I took the freight elevator down to drop off the mail, he comes out of his office to bullshit, and it's getting very creepy. IMHO.

This scenario had been playing out all week, and intensifying. I had been avoiding leaving the building by my usual (and most direct route to get to my car) by way of the lobby to avoid interacting with him, because it's gotten to the point where he's just a BLACK HOLE sucking up all available time and energy, and I don't have the stamina or give-a-fuck for this anymore. Also? He talks poorly about everyone else--and I've come to the conclusion HE is the one spreading rumors about me, not the UPS driver. (More on this in a separate email.)

Monday and Tuesday night, I was leaving a bit early so as to avoid him. Only by Weds he caught onto my routine (see also: Stalking me on the monitors), that when the elevator dumped me out on lobby level, I could hear his voice off in the distance, so I had to make a hasty exit out the back, which is the most convoluted route possible. By Thursday morning, I had my fill of this bullshit. I decided one of us had to be the adult, and realized "THAT SOMEONE" had to be me. The note hand-off would take place Thursday.

Again, I go down to drop the mail off at the loading dock (mind you, all week long I had been avoiding this very task, and preferred to take the mail to the POST OFFICE instead, which is on my way to the train station to pick up the husband). And as predicted, he runs out to see me and try to engage.

I walked with a purpose and as I passed him, I palmed off the note, and kept going, as I could hear him in the background reminding me about my book (which he went home special on Monday to get, because during Monday's conversation he asked about a Bhagavan Das book I WAS going to loan him and I said, "Yeah, well, you still haven't returned DaVinci Code, yet") and how he brought it in for me (which at this point, I don't give a shit if I get it back at this point). Mind you, one voicemail and EIGHT call and hang ups regarding a fucking book. It's a bit excessive if you ask me.

Also, very triggery for me, as this is the same type of carelessly cruel, narcissistic, and emotionally damaging type behaviors my mother does. Perhaps my awareness is keenly tuned into it because of 46 years of dealing with this type of monster.

Regarding the Churchill-ian reference:

There is a quote that is attributed to Churchill:

"The height of diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell in such a way where they actually look forward to the trip."

Bottom line: I've been too nice, and this asshole has been increasingly feeling more comfortable to say whatever-the-hell he wants without having any regard for my feelings.

If you've read this far, thank you very much for your time. I know it's a lot to read. I haven't notified my boss or his yet, and hope I don't have to. How he responds (if any) to the note will determine that. But as an aside, I am going to buy myself some pepper spray and wear it on the lanyard around my neck, which also has my access/swipe cards to get into my office, so it'll always be there, if I need it. No loitering or lingering in the building after hours either. And I'm trying to find places to hide.

Next up: Existential angst and Lunchtime Collateral Damage.

PS: I've attempted to fix the formatting in this post several times, and the HTML is not agreeing with me. Seriously, I don't format paragraphs like this.