The holidays were very low key (or low key ENOUGH), especially given Xmas and New Year’s were on week days.
I called mom on xmas day just to get it over with--despite her "weaponizing" the gift I sent her (weaponizing = she called me about 3-4x to leave voicemails on my home, work, and cell phone voicemails to “thank” me).
Without fail, she was flat and joyless and it didn’t take long for her to launch into the assorted ways everyone is letting her down.
Complaint #1: She claimed that the staff at Shady Pines “thinks she doesn’t have any family.”
Complaint #2: She claimed how other residents have family members pick them up and take them out to lunch or for the day. My mom is quite large, with legs bloated by lymphedema and lipidema, and she physically cannot fit in any of our vehicles. Furthermore, she is at a very high risk for slips/trips/falls. Then there’s the matter of by her deciding to “cash in her chips” and remain at Shady Pines, she’s essentially impoverished herself--to date, she’s got $6 in her house account.
Complaint #3: "It's as if I'm already dead!" I honestly don't know what to say in regards to this beyond the obvious, that she lives in depression and denial about everything, acts all flat and joyless, uninspired and uninvolved (and indifferent to) the lives of others. She's always been depressed, but has amped up especially so since dad's passing ten years ago--also there's the matter of her allegedly attempting to kill herself ten years ago. And even THAT detail I have to just not allow myself to believe, because SHE was the one who told me what she was doing. Every word she has ever uttered to me has either been an outright fabrication or a manipulation (or both).
She’s in denial about how SHE’s imprisoned herself in her body, and now imprisoned and impoverished herself by staying at Shady Pines. This decision was 100% hers, and of course, she wasted ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME coming to the same OBVIOUS conclusion that the rest of us came to months earlier.
Money aside, if at least she were appreciative of our efforts, I am sure we could figure out a way for a special outing--but again, that would involve money as it would no doubt involve a special medical transport service; however, reality, as I see it, that I would love to detonate THIS truth bomb to her:
1. Sis’ husband is recovering from a thyroidectomy & radiation;
2. My brother’s life has gone sideways in a huge way (and he’s on his same track to impoverishment);
3. I refuse to drive 2.5 hours, one way, to get there and for her to get bored with me and give me the “bum’s rush” after a half hour, as I fail to see this as a good ROI on the time/money/effort to actually go see her.
She fails to realize that the well of good will has run dry--much like her bank account.
The last time I visited her (unannounced; in October two months ago), she was over-the-top with theatrical tears--only for her to start her telephone twattery the moment I left her room--calling her sister (and whomever else) and snarked on about “You’ll never guess who visited me, UNANNOUNCED!”
The only time she calls me is when I’ve done or sent something to her--other than that, she doesn’t give a shit. In this regard, it's mutual--I, too, don't give a shit! In fact, I have allocated ZERO FUCKS to dispense for the entirety of 2019!
On an amusing note, my sister is getting really in tune and in touch with "speaking her truth" and she's had her "fill" of mom and her endless demands. My sister said, “Hey, did it ever occur to you that Maven sends you those sugar free chocolates WITH THE INTENT to give you diarrhea?” Mom flatly said, “You’re probably right.” And with that, mom polished off the last of the one pound box.
“Diarrhea--when you don’t care to send the very best!”
I called mom on xmas day just to get it over with--despite her "weaponizing" the gift I sent her (weaponizing = she called me about 3-4x to leave voicemails on my home, work, and cell phone voicemails to “thank” me).
Without fail, she was flat and joyless and it didn’t take long for her to launch into the assorted ways everyone is letting her down.
Complaint #1: She claimed that the staff at Shady Pines “thinks she doesn’t have any family.”
Complaint #2: She claimed how other residents have family members pick them up and take them out to lunch or for the day. My mom is quite large, with legs bloated by lymphedema and lipidema, and she physically cannot fit in any of our vehicles. Furthermore, she is at a very high risk for slips/trips/falls. Then there’s the matter of by her deciding to “cash in her chips” and remain at Shady Pines, she’s essentially impoverished herself--to date, she’s got $6 in her house account.
Complaint #3: "It's as if I'm already dead!" I honestly don't know what to say in regards to this beyond the obvious, that she lives in depression and denial about everything, acts all flat and joyless, uninspired and uninvolved (and indifferent to) the lives of others. She's always been depressed, but has amped up especially so since dad's passing ten years ago--also there's the matter of her allegedly attempting to kill herself ten years ago. And even THAT detail I have to just not allow myself to believe, because SHE was the one who told me what she was doing. Every word she has ever uttered to me has either been an outright fabrication or a manipulation (or both).
She’s in denial about how SHE’s imprisoned herself in her body, and now imprisoned and impoverished herself by staying at Shady Pines. This decision was 100% hers, and of course, she wasted ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME coming to the same OBVIOUS conclusion that the rest of us came to months earlier.
Money aside, if at least she were appreciative of our efforts, I am sure we could figure out a way for a special outing--but again, that would involve money as it would no doubt involve a special medical transport service; however, reality, as I see it, that I would love to detonate THIS truth bomb to her:
1. Sis’ husband is recovering from a thyroidectomy & radiation;
2. My brother’s life has gone sideways in a huge way (and he’s on his same track to impoverishment);
3. I refuse to drive 2.5 hours, one way, to get there and for her to get bored with me and give me the “bum’s rush” after a half hour, as I fail to see this as a good ROI on the time/money/effort to actually go see her.
She fails to realize that the well of good will has run dry--much like her bank account.
The last time I visited her (unannounced; in October two months ago), she was over-the-top with theatrical tears--only for her to start her telephone twattery the moment I left her room--calling her sister (and whomever else) and snarked on about “You’ll never guess who visited me, UNANNOUNCED!”
The only time she calls me is when I’ve done or sent something to her--other than that, she doesn’t give a shit. In this regard, it's mutual--I, too, don't give a shit! In fact, I have allocated ZERO FUCKS to dispense for the entirety of 2019!
On an amusing note, my sister is getting really in tune and in touch with "speaking her truth" and she's had her "fill" of mom and her endless demands. My sister said, “Hey, did it ever occur to you that Maven sends you those sugar free chocolates WITH THE INTENT to give you diarrhea?” Mom flatly said, “You’re probably right.” And with that, mom polished off the last of the one pound box.
“Diarrhea--when you don’t care to send the very best!”
