Among those "all things considered" are:
- The fact that mom is still in the hospital and there is no indication as to the date of transfer to the nursing home, which once that takes place, the clock starts ticking for 20 days. And during that time, THAT really should be when the purging takes place. Otherwise, I'm just throwing away 24 hours I'd much rather be doing something else--as even if I do come down, I'll be expected to come down during the 20 day interim as well.
- The fact that on Monday I was "thanked" for having a friend (of mine) do a pop in visit by way of her insulting me, saying unflattering things to my friend, and to date, I haven't received any acknowledgment or thank you for doing so. Also haven't received an acknowledgment from my sister re: the visit either.
- The fact that my sister already has mom's funeral arrangements and obituary completed. The obituary chaps my ass in two ways. Traditionally, obits list offspring in age order, oldest to youngest. My sister, of course, listed herself first, me second--the second way it chaps my ass is that she has listed our brother last but hasn't put his wife's name in the obit. I hate my sister-in-law. She truly is evil hot garbage wrapped in skin--but really? The pettiness is appalling, especially for someone who projects to the world that she's so uber Christian.
I plan on zapping a text tomorrow night to my sister and just say "migraine. can't make it. maybe march 1st." March 1st is mom's bday, and hopefully by then she'll be in a facility, so I can kill two or three birds with one stone: 1. The obligatory nursing home visit. 2. The obligatory birthday visit. 3. The preliminary purge.
I am to the point now where if my sister chooses to unload more negativity on me regarding my absence or non-participation in this cluster fuck, I'll just say, "I think it'd be best if we just not talk for a while." And just never call her again. Anything else beyond that, perhaps along the lines of how she can't depend on me for anything, I'll say, "Feeling's mutual." Planning out possible dialogue scenarios will hopefully cut down on any residual "l'esprit d'escalier" I might have, having a witty retort long after having a fight with my sister.
Also worth noting is, when the time finally comes and mom passes, I really feel no need to go to the funeral. All it will be will be more of the same as was the case with my grandfather's funeral. My sister will take center stage (like my aunt did), and the only person who will probably speak will be my niece, perhaps, given services will no doubt be held in my sister's church. I have no need to show up. No need to impress anyone. Additionally, I am sure whatever friends of my sister's that show up will be fully aware of what a shitty sister I am. And well. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Really. No hatred or animus. Just indifferent.
Now for something incredibly sweet. Mr. P., aka my "brother from an Indian mother," texted me saying how he and his wife want to go visit my mom. And as lovely as that offer is, I had to decline it, for obvious reasons. I just told the Maharajah this, and his reply was, "Obviously he doesn't know what you're dealing with." So I texted Mr. P., back and said thanks but no thanks, and as brief as possible I let him know what's what. Sad, isn't it?
Oh, and remember back in December my mother was lecturing me about my latent alcholism, reminding me about how "dad's family has that predisposition to drink?" Well, no doctor of mine has an issue with my occasional cocktail--save for my endocrinologist, who believes I still have fatty liver syndrome, and told me to keep it to 1 cocktail a week, if that. Turns out the real reason I shouldn't overindulge is because of something I inherited from MOM's side of the gene pool.
Next up: A game of telephone, because well, wouldn't you expect nothing less?
*Hitting publish now*
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