The Afterbirth

With the birth of the post-family fuckfest wrap up comes the inevitable AFTERBIRTH: The commentary. I've come to these inescapable judgements about my sister:

JUDGEMENTS (in stream-of-consciousness order):

1. She is petty, passive aggressive, hostile, jealous and just wants to find fault with me.

2. She does not invest in our relationship. The only time I see her is if I make the effort to drive 2.5 hours, one way, to NJ. She's been to NYC countless times and never informs me of it in advance so I might plan to take the train in to have a cup of coffee and face time.

3. She cannot be bothered to extend simple courtesy to me in the form of replying to emails, texts or returning telephone calls.

4. She's perhaps even more negative than my mom.

5. She's got a very twisted perspective on reality and events as they happen.

REGARDING HER PETTINESS: 

When I decided I wanted a photo of me and my mom (there aren't all that many and hell, she's not well), I asked my uncle to snap a photo on my phone, and since my aunt was there, I asked her to be in it, because I did not want her to feel excluded. But the photo was snapped FOR ME,ON  MY PHONE.  Apparently, my sister takes issue with this that she and my niece were not invited to be in the photo, and chooses to be offended.  Complained up a a royal blue streak about it to mom.

REGARDING HER PASSIVE AGGRESSION, TWISTED SENSE OF REALITY/POOR MATH SKILLS:

She and my niece walked in, said hello to my mom and my aunt, and pretty much outright shunned me. Then had the nerve to say I shunned HER and my niece.   

She spent the entirety of the party (or while I was there) either in another room or at a distance from me, and at no point in time did she come near me to try to talk. Yet, I'm accused of the same thing.

She complained to my mother that I only come down if that every seven months (inaccurate!). Just this year alone, I've come down four times and was there visiting my sister just three scant weeks ago.   

However, let's have fun with her incorrect math skills, and let's round down my visits to every SIX months, and it fleshes out thusly: 2 visits a year x 13 years = 26 visits, and she's only been to my house a whopping 2x in that time, I'd say SHE is the one with the "visit deficit," NOT me.

IN SUMMATION/CONCLUSION:

I'm not going to any future holiday "parties." 

I haven't decided when to tell my mom that I won't come down for holiday parties anymore (yet I will still make a special trip for HER), though not right now because it's just too much. She's very upset about things as they are, and I don't want to add to it. But no. No further holiday trips will be made. I am tired of being my sister's scapegoat.

IN CONTRAST: 

Regarding my brother...

I could text him at midnight and say call me, and guess what he does? HE CALLS ME.  And in stark contrast to my sister, said very directly to our mom, "If all Maven has is one hour to give me, I'll take it. I'll be happy with my hour."

Also worth mentioning, he and I are trying to make active plans  moving forward. As I said to my brother, "It's obvious she doesn't want me in her life, and I'm done trying. So, I will focus my energies on those people who want me in their life."

I am pretty much upset/devastated about all these developments. My sister is incapable of communicating directly--and is squarely to blame for this weirdness, and I think I've hit my saturation point of "give a fuck" and won't be continuing with this dynamic in an active role.