Apparently, this happened:
1. Brother and his wife (aka the YentaBeast) Showed up nearly an hour late. They do this constantly. Call 20 minutes after 2 and say they’re running behind, and then 30-40 minutes later, they finally arrive.
2. YentaBeast Got surly when she realized people had already started eating (finger foods, not the actual meal yet—yes, she shows up that late and expects people to hold up the meal—despite the fact that family parties always start at 2 p.m. Always have, always will.
3. Their daughter is antisocial—however, I think the kid actually falls somewhere on the autism spectrum. At least she’s got an excuse for being the way she is.She very much puts out a LEAVE ME ALONE VIBE, so my other niece and the step-granddaughter of a friend were playing nicely, went outside and didn’t include my other niece ("G") because… LEAVE ME ALONE.
4. YentaBeast was grousing about how niece "E" never includes "G" in anything (see also: "G" is outwardly antisocial). Grousing under her breath but everyone could hear her.
5. When YB asked my sister if she was going to YB’s other’s Chanukkah thing on Friday sis said she was working.
6. While sis was talking to her friend about the movies for FRIDAY, YB groused further about sis was LYING to YB’s mother, despite the fact YB didn’t hear every detail and that sis' friend was taking "E" to the movies w/the step-granddaughter. (I think YB was also trying to wrangle an invite to the movies, to be honest—she tries to shoe horn herself into situations that have nothing to do with her--with people who truly detest her. She very clearly does not have any sense of self-awareness.)
7. YB called my mother to bitch about it, and when she wouldn’t listen to mom, and talked over mom, mom just hung up the phone on her.
8. This of course is on top of the fact that she and my brother BICKER CONSTANTLY as their main mode of communication—which of course puts everyone on edge.
The whole thing is unpleasant. I could probably handle just
my mom’s nonsense on its own. But to couple that up with the YB and all this
oggida… why bother? And then of course, add to the mix my own health and pain
issues. I’m really pretty much in pain the entire time I’m there as I usually
start to get a back spasm roughly around exit 109 on the drive DOWN.
I told my aunt POINT BLANK that “everyone has been too POLITE TO
HER FOR TOO LONG, that someone should have put her in her place YEARS AGO.” And
I also said, “I cannot imagine treating MY OWN family the way she does—it’s
truly galling to see how she treats the family she married into.”
My mom, of course, lays on the guilt because she hasn't seen all that much of me this year. And when I quipped that I don't need a holiday to come see her, she groused how she only saw me 1-2x this year. Well, hells bells, do you listen to me? I've had a horrible year of health related wild goose chases. When am I going to have the time to fit in a visit to see mom? It's an all day affair. It's 2.5 hours down, and back, so five hours straight up just DRIVING to get there. Also? I live in near chronic pain. So even if I don't start my day in pain, I'll no doubt be in a full on back spasm at the halfway point while driving there, and the pisser here is that I cannot take a pain pill or drink a cocktail to blunt the pain becuase FUCK ME, I need to drive my ass home.
I've very clearly said to my aunt, directly, "Simply put, I am physically unable to make that drive more frequently than I do."
But again. I know the flaw in my argument here. Of course. The only pain and physical limitations that are valid are my mother's. Pop another vicodin and shut the fuck up! And yes, it's obvious to me, it's so much more effective and easier to project all their/her resentment upon me for not being there, rather than, yanno, turning that resentment inward and realize at how limited our family gatherings are because she cannot leave her house. Hell, she cannot even lug her own garbage cans out to the curb! I'd go batshit crazy if I couldn't get fresh air in my lungs after 24-48 hours. Sunshine on the cheeks, even.
So Thanksgiving so effectively shit the bed the jury is still out on whether the family full on fuck fest will happen this year or not. Mom says, "Ask your sis, but if we have it, it'll be on the 22nd." I text sis, "I don't know, but if we have it it's the 22nd." Aunt says the same thing. I'm hoping this angry assed vendetta bullshit can hold up until the 23rd, because if by the 21st it's still raging, I'm coming down on the 21st because it's convenient for ME, and if I need to, I'll sleep over and head home early on the 22nd, drive home during daylight hours, and not run the risk of being too tired or too in pain or too harried and get myself in another car accident 120 miles from home, in the only car for our household, only to have NOT ONE SINGLE MEMBER OF MY FAMILY come to my aid. Fuck that noise.
Also worth mentioning, my sister cannot be bothered to:
1. Do a pop in visit if/when she drives through my area to CT, or en route back home to NJ; or
2. Let me know when she's going into NYC so that perhaps we can coordinate face time over a cup of coffee. My niece "E" is 11 years old, and NOT ONE SINGLE TIME has my sister included me in any of her trips to NYC. PS: She'll be there this week for the Radio City Music Hall Xmas Show.
In summation: If I see my mother, I'll see her when I am able and when it's convenient FOR ME. And if anyone's got a problem with that, they can go pound salt. And by THEY, I mean, my sister and my aunt, both of whom seem not to want to come to my home. Though to be honest, my aunt doesn't invite me to her home anymore for Xmas day or for summertime barbeques. So I have no doubt when my mother passes away, either or both of them will take the opportunity to tell me what a COLOSSAL DISAPPOINTMENT OF A HUMAN I am...
... as if THEY are the only ones disgusted and disappointed in things. But again, I guess since I don't have a child, my POV doesn't matter.
Fuck me running. Is it January 2nd yet?
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