We returned from India on Saturday. I was back in the office by Tuesday. And yesterday was Thanksgiving, and I had a full house of company, friends and family.
The trip to India is always a difficult journey, but this time things seemed much smoother and idyllic. We attended a family wedding, and I really connected even more deeply with my mother-in-law, who is truly someone very very special.
I was very organized for the holiday and the Maharajah is a great help-mate, so much so, he's like the other half of my brain, and we function like a solid unit. We had everything set up in the morning, and by the time I went to bed, I was one more load of dishes away from having everything completely cleaned up. When I woke up, I realized that M had broken down and put away our banquet table, and he quipped, "It's as if Thanksgiving never happened."
All in all, it's a worthwhile expenditure of energy and planning. Everyone involved truly looks forward to getting together, and catching up. And most importantly to me is that everyone is comfortable and accommodated. The true litmus test is to see my brother-in-law, who normally is a bit standoffish with my family (meaning, my birth family, mom's side in particular), and see him actively engaged in conversation and enjoying everyone's company--and likewise, they all look forward to seeing my sister, bil, and niece.
I'm glad that it's been 16 months since my sister and I have reconciled, and so far, it looks like it's working. To my knowledge, my mother still doesn't know that we have reconciled.
My brother continues to fail and flail along--and no, I don't include him in Thanksgiving. I exclude him, not out of cruelty; however, it's more a practical decision on several levels. He is entirely too big for the space, destructive, negative, and crude; and I am trying to distance myself from my past and carve out a new life and new experiences. I carefully curate who is included and what foods get served.
I have a lot to be grateful for: reasonably goodish health, a healthy husband, a roof over my head, food in my belly with enough happiness and food to share with loved ones, happy for the reconciliation with my sister, happy to have a broad range of experiences that take me to different hemispheres on this planet.
My life is full.
We returned on Saturday from India and I held off on calling mom, because Thanksgiving was coming up and I didn't want to do 2 calls in one week. I held off on calling her in the morning yesterday as I didn't want her to taint my mood. I waited until everyone left and I called before it got too late.
I keep the conversation on surface level stuff. I don't get too deep anymore, not that she ever DID deep before. And before I knew it, she was giving me the bum's rush to get off the phone. I don't give her drama. I don't talk to anyone who drums up drama. So she has no use for me.
Turns out no one visited her on the holiday, not even my brother who had nothing else going on. And while part of me felt sad about that, I quickly planted the thought in my head "it's her choice." It's her choice to remain at Shady Pines. It's her choice to continue to withdraw from people. It's her choice to be alone and lonely in a building full of other souls. It's her choice to do absolutely nothing about her depression and mindset.
I'm thankful that I called her. Thankful to be reminded of what I DO NOT want for my own life.
It's just a weird thing though, this "in-between" stage she is in. It's not like she's in a coma or on life support. She's fully functioning in many ways. But over the last 20-25 years, she's gradually given up on life--even more so after dad died. So it's weird seeing her become a ghost, yet still possess a human form--again, it's a choice.
Life is short--we should live and eat and love and learn and and and... for as long as we are able. Use up every molecule of our being until there is nothing left. Not do what mom is doing, which is akin to taking abundance and just letting it sit and rot, and THAT, imho is not a life well-lived.
The trip to India is always a difficult journey, but this time things seemed much smoother and idyllic. We attended a family wedding, and I really connected even more deeply with my mother-in-law, who is truly someone very very special.
I was very organized for the holiday and the Maharajah is a great help-mate, so much so, he's like the other half of my brain, and we function like a solid unit. We had everything set up in the morning, and by the time I went to bed, I was one more load of dishes away from having everything completely cleaned up. When I woke up, I realized that M had broken down and put away our banquet table, and he quipped, "It's as if Thanksgiving never happened."
All in all, it's a worthwhile expenditure of energy and planning. Everyone involved truly looks forward to getting together, and catching up. And most importantly to me is that everyone is comfortable and accommodated. The true litmus test is to see my brother-in-law, who normally is a bit standoffish with my family (meaning, my birth family, mom's side in particular), and see him actively engaged in conversation and enjoying everyone's company--and likewise, they all look forward to seeing my sister, bil, and niece.
I'm glad that it's been 16 months since my sister and I have reconciled, and so far, it looks like it's working. To my knowledge, my mother still doesn't know that we have reconciled.
My brother continues to fail and flail along--and no, I don't include him in Thanksgiving. I exclude him, not out of cruelty; however, it's more a practical decision on several levels. He is entirely too big for the space, destructive, negative, and crude; and I am trying to distance myself from my past and carve out a new life and new experiences. I carefully curate who is included and what foods get served.
I have a lot to be grateful for: reasonably goodish health, a healthy husband, a roof over my head, food in my belly with enough happiness and food to share with loved ones, happy for the reconciliation with my sister, happy to have a broad range of experiences that take me to different hemispheres on this planet.
My life is full.
We returned on Saturday from India and I held off on calling mom, because Thanksgiving was coming up and I didn't want to do 2 calls in one week. I held off on calling her in the morning yesterday as I didn't want her to taint my mood. I waited until everyone left and I called before it got too late.
I keep the conversation on surface level stuff. I don't get too deep anymore, not that she ever DID deep before. And before I knew it, she was giving me the bum's rush to get off the phone. I don't give her drama. I don't talk to anyone who drums up drama. So she has no use for me.
Turns out no one visited her on the holiday, not even my brother who had nothing else going on. And while part of me felt sad about that, I quickly planted the thought in my head "it's her choice." It's her choice to remain at Shady Pines. It's her choice to continue to withdraw from people. It's her choice to be alone and lonely in a building full of other souls. It's her choice to do absolutely nothing about her depression and mindset.
I'm thankful that I called her. Thankful to be reminded of what I DO NOT want for my own life.
It's just a weird thing though, this "in-between" stage she is in. It's not like she's in a coma or on life support. She's fully functioning in many ways. But over the last 20-25 years, she's gradually given up on life--even more so after dad died. So it's weird seeing her become a ghost, yet still possess a human form--again, it's a choice.
Life is short--we should live and eat and love and learn and and and... for as long as we are able. Use up every molecule of our being until there is nothing left. Not do what mom is doing, which is akin to taking abundance and just letting it sit and rot, and THAT, imho is not a life well-lived.
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