On Inner Dialogue

Anyone who has been on Facebook or Twitter for more than a day has no doubt seen an image with this text juxtaposed:

"How you speak to your children becomes their inner voice."

About a week or two ago, I'm at work and regaling a few coworkers with some real absurdity entitled, "Inappropriate things people have said to me." When the laughter died down a bit, very dryly I declared, "By the way that's not the worst things someone has said to me. Let me tell you this next story, and it will illustrate how I have zero self-confidence." Of course, they were all incredulous that I have poor self confidence. In many aspects of my life, that is not the case, but in some key parts of my life (career, for instance) I am just not living up to my potential, and I am standing in my way, and I don't know how to fix this as of yet.  Both stories involve my mother.

Scenario 1:
Before my husband and I arrived at the site of our wedding, my mother proceeded to tell family members that my husband was marrying me so he could get his Green Card.

(Erroneous! His job sponsored him.)

Subtext: I have no worth, no value, and am wholly undeserving of marrying a handsome, educated, upwardly mobile man without him having ulterior motives. 

Scenario 2:
As I was preparing to go to a job interview at a district court house, my mother's "pep talk" consisted thusly:

"Whatever you do, do not let them know how much you love giving head." (She then cackled like an unhinged maniac.)

(Erroneous!)

Subtext: I have no worth, no value, and am wholly undeserving of landing a job of any measure of status or bearing, without debasing myself.

ETA: Regarding that job interview? Yeah. I was so demoralized, I never even bothered to go to it. 

FUCK HER!