Pieces

Thinking back on that quote attributed to CS Lewis regarding the death of a friend & grief. It isn’t just the death of his friend he grieved for, but also he grieved for that part of him that only his friend could bring out and which would never be brought out again. 

A refinement on a thought in another blog post—she is my mom and she gave me life—something I had zero choice in the matter, and I had no choice but be resentful & resigned that the relationship never was and never will be what I wanted & needed it to be. A sentiment in one of her last birthday cards to me, “Remember, this was a journey we took together” still resonates and makes me wonder how much of a choice does a zygote have?

I just hope whatever I did for her was sufficient. It HAS to be sufficient.