Monday, February 4, 2019

15

That is the tally of times mom called my sister yesterday.

15.

1= Acceptable.
5= Excessive enough.
15=LUNATIC.

I am sure at least 2-3 calls were mom weaponizing sis' birthday as an excuse for contact, contact, more contact. But 15? That's the action of someone who is actually insane and/or someone wanting to monopolize someone else's time/space/attention.

Every time I think to myself that I might be having a normal impulse and want to call mom, I think of these situations, and I also think about the INVERSE of 15, which is to say, 31 days have gone without my mom calling me. I know if I do call, the "thanks" I will get will be someone disinterested in the fact I have called, or be met with overt hostility. And then the moment passes, and that normal impulse is met with the reminder that it is for a person who doesn't have normal actions, reactions, responses to life in even the most basic or general sense of the word.

I wouldn't say it paralyzes me; however, it does make what modicum of "Give a fuck" I happened to be mustering up at that given point in time, just dissipate into the ether.

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