Post-Familyfuckfest Wrap Up

All things considered, it went well enough.

My plans all fell into place, and I was able to head off to my great-aunt's home so she and my cousin could be the official tasters of the stuffed squid, which they had been very helpful and gracious every step of the way with my questions, etc.

My cousin went to great lengths to make it all very special for me. Setting the table with table cloth, china and flat ware all that were my great grandmother's. And he put out a full array of holiday cookies which over the course of a few weeks he made (and froze) in preparation for Christmas. It was all truly lovely.

Conversation was pleasant and timely and didn't dig too deep into the past, as whatever grudges and bygones are now put to rest given all the parties involved in it directly are no longer among the living. And what is inescapably apparent to me is that no one on the other side of the family either sensed anything was amiss or knew what caused it. And sadder still, in the almost 25 years since my grandmother passed away (one of the parties directly involved), no one had taken charge to try to reunite the family or become re-acquainted. 

So it is totally by chance I found my great aunt, and chose to be social, and got introduced to her youngest son, with whom I've established a friendly email correspondence. And everything has unfolded, I suspect cosmically, in its own time.

Once the squid was tasted (and I got high marks and praise on it, especially given it's my first attempt at it), two hours turned into three, and I needed to head on my way. 

I kept all this information to myself overnight. I wanted the good feeling to last. It was something truly good and lovely, and so utterly NORMAL. I didn't want to tell anyone about it out of fear of someone making a negative out of it.

In keeping with the theme of the previous blog post, and in keeping with her character, NO. My sister never replied back to my voicemails or emails, and even when in my physical presence did she give two shits enough to even ask, "Hey, you were trying to contact me.... what was it about?" Nope.

I was to have breakfast at the hotel with a friend, and that fell through, so I had a nice solo breakfast and took advantage of the time, and headed to the store for some last minute items, and headed to mom's house for some spare time before the party.  

I came in the house with a new cowl necked top for her, I thought it festive enough and in her favorite color, and thought she might wear something new since she was hosting a house full of company. She gave a glance, didn't seem all that interested in it. And at first it got shuffled off to the side, and before you know it, it found its way to the bottom of a pile of pillows, and now a wrinkled, forgotten mess. MONEY WELL SPENT! Some people are just unappreciative fucks. Oh well. Luckily it wasn't pricey--but I could have bought another skein of yarn with the cost of the blouse.

Audrey was neutral to well behaved. And I broke the news that not only did I visit her aunt (the one she's groused about in the past about not hearing from her), but that I also stayed at a hotel last night too. I just needed time to regroup after such a long drive, and being ON at the aunt's, and let's face it, I cannot convince myself to work myself up into a lather hosting a party in someone else's house. But hey, every one else feeds this delusion that she's living independently, when it's not the case. My aunt was playing step-and-fetch-it and seething the entire time.

My sister and niece walked in and acknowledged everyone--except for me. I just sat there cool as a cuke, crocheting. Very weird and awkward indeed. My brother was unable to come out to the party due to the surgical procedure he had earlier in the week.

It was weird and awkward and noisey as fuck. And now it's over. Audrey is blissed out that I made it. Which no doubt means my sister is seething about that.

I had a chat with my aunt afterwards about how unwelcome I feel around my sister, and it's obvious she doesn't want me involved in her life or her kid's. She's unwilling or incapable of articulating it, and in the interim there's this lingering weirdness.  

If I avoid everyone, I'm damned.
If I try to be there, I'm damned.

My relationship with my brother is so straightforward there is none of this garbage. And hell, I feel more of an "aunty" to the kids of friends than I do to my own nieces. 

The party itself was nice enough, but loud and anxiety inducing, and I powered through until I got a text from the husband that said, "Time to come home." And I got myself together, got as far as the door and realized I almost went home wearing a pair of house slippers of my mother's. My younger cousin scampered off to retrieve my shoes, and in doing so, I thanked him and quipped, "I feel like Cinderella!"

The drive home, long as it may be, was about as problem free as possible, and I managed to get home in about two hours. 

Along with the birth of anxiety riddled family fuckfest is the inevitable AFTER birth, the GI distress in the form of constipation. Jury is still out on whether an impaction is in my near future.

Waiting for the other poo (shoe) to drop...