I've been in the process of weaning Audrey off the expectation of a daily phone call from me. Because really, the negativity is toxic, and I am not equipped for holding the hand of someone wholesale incapable and unwilling to help themselves, and serves no other purpose on planet earth than to be a BLIGHT just draining the good will of any poor soul who happens by.
So, I started out small, seeing if I could go one day without calling... then work it up to two days. Well, Saturday (as mentioned several posts back) was day THREE, and the call went thusly:
Me: Hi.
Her: Can you call me later, I'm eating dinner?
Me: (very flatly) I've been laid up in bed with a migraine all day. I'm going back to bed.
Her: Well, do your best.
Spoiler alert: I didn't call later that evening, and I didn't call Sunday.
Monday, my friend visited her (see also, post several posts back), and as I didn't get a phone call of THANKS or acknowledgement, and was thanked by her talking smack about me (which I think was a ploy to get me to call her in a rage--instead she was met with silence), I didn't call.
Tuesday I thought I'd call, but fell asleep in front of the tube. I also happened to make a pact with a friend who is similarly afflicted with a mother of this caliber, and the pact was that we would both not call our respective mothers. Mission accomplished.
Wednesday, I had a neuro appointment close to home, then an appointment in NYC, and I spent the rest of the day in the city to shop, wander, and eventually have dinner with the Maharajah at Cipriani. I sipped a sambuca and limoncello w/tonic before dinner, before the husband arrived, to blunt the excrutiating pain in my low back. Dinner was lovely. And given the delays with the train etc, we got home after 10 p.m.
Wednesday, by the way, was DAY FOUR. Upon arriving home, it appears Audrey finally broke down and called me. "...I have congestive heart failure now. I could use some company."
Well fuck you Audrey! You fucked yourself in your own ass by talking smack about me. Between my friend John and my friend Mr. P., and no doubt a few other truly kind souls, I could have arranged the occasional visitor to pass the time. But no. I have to be a hard hearted bitch now, insulating myself, because Audrey is a full on TWIN of her father, of whom I cut ties with years before he passed. You do a good deed and are met with insults. And I will state on record herein: I am not a masochist.
So today, Thursday, I know I must call. And I do. And after three thwarted attempts at calling, I turned the ringer to my phone off.
Attempt 1: I call. CNA answers phone: She's being washed, can you call back later?
Attempt 2: I call 1-2 hrs later. Mom answers: Nurses are changing my dressings, can you call back later? And when I fail to call back later...
Attempt 3: Audrey calls me. She's not getting empathy from me. Call was short. I asked direct questions, "What does the doctor say? When are you being transferred to rehab? What is holding this up?" Was met with "I don't know" and realizing she wasn't going to get the tender hand holding she wanted, she got off the phone quickly.
So maybe, if she's lucky, I'll call again on Sunday. IF she's lucky.
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