Current # of days (in this round of going NC) w/my NM: 56 days.
Some of this might be redundant, as I think I’ve shared elements in other threads, but wanted to share what’s going on.
The last time I spoke with mom, she hung up on me 4x in a 12 minute chat (at first I thought she was just “fat fingering” her cell phone, but by the 4th hang up, I gave up calling her back).
In the interim, my busybody aunt let my NM know that my sister and I have been speaking for the last 2 years. (Though this now is a matter of debate.) This was none of my aunt’s business, nor my NM’s, and the entire reason my sister and I stopped speaking was because of NM’s constant interference. Within a day of NM finding this info out, she left a deceptively cheerful VM on my answering machine (of which I haven’t responded to it), too cheerful, but not letting on that she knew sis & I are speaking--but let’s face it, we know she KNOWS.
It’s been about a month since her VM and all she’s gotten from me is silence. And since she hasn’t gotten what she wants from me (attention, when she wants it), she’s decided to weaponize my birthday. Despite the fact my birthday is on the 19th, she sent me a hand written note conveying bday wishes, which I received on the 8th. This, too, has gone without response on my end, as it’s all a ploy for interaction--and then on my actual birthday, which is the 19th, there will be more of the same attempts at forced interaction--her making my day all about her.
Additionally, the envelope was addressed so convoluted, I’m honestly surprised the USPS delivered it:
MRS. (I’m a Ms.) Maven My-Maiden Name (WTF?)
1234 Name of my town
Name of my street
NY, NY (<<< Not my town) my-zip
Additionally, curiously, the entirety of the note was written in past tense.
Last year, there were 2 calls on the 18th, one of bday wishes, and the next immediately following, an apology that she called on the wrong day. Then there were THREE calls on the 19th. And another call on the 22nd, inquiring if I got the card she sent.
Of course, this is just making me anxious. To me, this is worse than death. Or it IS like a death, but where your tormentor in life decides to haunt your ass after they die.
I’d just rather wait things out until she dies, but damn it, modern medicine will see to it she outlives us all, Shady Pines or no Shady Pines. But the anxiety and uncertainty is getting to me. I’m actually considering calling her on the 17th, just to get it over with.
I chose the 17th because my sister and I are getting together for a bday lunch on the 18th; and the 19th I have appointments in NYC and want my day unfettered.
If/when I DO call, I’ll act as if I haven’t heard from her, that I’m having problems with my voicemail (just like how she refuses to empty her voicemail box so others can leave messages), and will dummy up about receiving the letter and gaslight her. And if she attempts to mention the fact I’ve been speaking with my sister, I plan on informing her that the topic is off limits and if she chooses to push the topic, she’ll be starting a fight with me. (And of course, I’ll hang up on her.)
On a related note, I’m trying to work through my anger and resentment issues I have (in CBT). It’s hard. All my life I’ve repressed most of my feelings as a result of negative reinforcement. So for me to think or even FEEL my feelings is challenging (and stressful) for me.
I wish I were able to just “let go” of it all, or accept any of this, and be able to move on, and use the headspace for something more productive than being a storage unit for this psychological warfare.
Some of this might be redundant, as I think I’ve shared elements in other threads, but wanted to share what’s going on.
The last time I spoke with mom, she hung up on me 4x in a 12 minute chat (at first I thought she was just “fat fingering” her cell phone, but by the 4th hang up, I gave up calling her back).
In the interim, my busybody aunt let my NM know that my sister and I have been speaking for the last 2 years. (Though this now is a matter of debate.) This was none of my aunt’s business, nor my NM’s, and the entire reason my sister and I stopped speaking was because of NM’s constant interference. Within a day of NM finding this info out, she left a deceptively cheerful VM on my answering machine (of which I haven’t responded to it), too cheerful, but not letting on that she knew sis & I are speaking--but let’s face it, we know she KNOWS.
It’s been about a month since her VM and all she’s gotten from me is silence. And since she hasn’t gotten what she wants from me (attention, when she wants it), she’s decided to weaponize my birthday. Despite the fact my birthday is on the 19th, she sent me a hand written note conveying bday wishes, which I received on the 8th. This, too, has gone without response on my end, as it’s all a ploy for interaction--and then on my actual birthday, which is the 19th, there will be more of the same attempts at forced interaction--her making my day all about her.
Additionally, the envelope was addressed so convoluted, I’m honestly surprised the USPS delivered it:
MRS. (I’m a Ms.) Maven My-Maiden Name (WTF?)
1234 Name of my town
Name of my street
NY, NY (<<< Not my town) my-zip
Additionally, curiously, the entirety of the note was written in past tense.
Last year, there were 2 calls on the 18th, one of bday wishes, and the next immediately following, an apology that she called on the wrong day. Then there were THREE calls on the 19th. And another call on the 22nd, inquiring if I got the card she sent.
Of course, this is just making me anxious. To me, this is worse than death. Or it IS like a death, but where your tormentor in life decides to haunt your ass after they die.
I’d just rather wait things out until she dies, but damn it, modern medicine will see to it she outlives us all, Shady Pines or no Shady Pines. But the anxiety and uncertainty is getting to me. I’m actually considering calling her on the 17th, just to get it over with.
I chose the 17th because my sister and I are getting together for a bday lunch on the 18th; and the 19th I have appointments in NYC and want my day unfettered.
If/when I DO call, I’ll act as if I haven’t heard from her, that I’m having problems with my voicemail (just like how she refuses to empty her voicemail box so others can leave messages), and will dummy up about receiving the letter and gaslight her. And if she attempts to mention the fact I’ve been speaking with my sister, I plan on informing her that the topic is off limits and if she chooses to push the topic, she’ll be starting a fight with me. (And of course, I’ll hang up on her.)
On a related note, I’m trying to work through my anger and resentment issues I have (in CBT). It’s hard. All my life I’ve repressed most of my feelings as a result of negative reinforcement. So for me to think or even FEEL my feelings is challenging (and stressful) for me.
I wish I were able to just “let go” of it all, or accept any of this, and be able to move on, and use the headspace for something more productive than being a storage unit for this psychological warfare.
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