The traffic was uneventful (shocking actually!), we made great time (2 hours, tops!). We got to the hospital around 3 p.m., and I intended on staying until 6. We had a decent enough visit, and by the two hour mark, she informed me, "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but please leave." And off I went!
Some details lacking therein: I looked over the list of rehab facilities, and I weighed in on that, making a suggestion of a place that isn't on the list. Also, about 45 minutes before mom kicked me out, she was in pain and asked for a tylenol, and despite my going to the nurses station to ask for it, 45 minutes elapsed and she still hadn't gotten her tylenol. So, by 5:30 I left, and went to the pharmacy to get the tylenol, and Maharajah ferried it up to her room, and as fate would have it, the nurses FINALLY got around to giving her the tylenol.
My plan: I don't plan on going there for another week or so, and mom's sister made yet another trip there yesterday to see her. And since I don't want to fuck up my birthday weekend with a trip to the shore for more negativity, it looks likely NEXT weekend I'll be making a trip, hopefully paratrooper style, where I "hit it and quit it," get in and out as quickly as possible.
A HUGE take-away from my conversation with my aunt was her uttering this sentence to me, which just stupefied me that anyone "from the outside" saw my mother the way I do:
"Well, we all know what a manipulator your mom can be."To date, Audrey is still in the hospital. Not sure when she’ll be released to a rehab facility. My aunt doesn’t believe mom will ever go home by the way. I’m a smidge more optimistic. We won’t know anything for sure, if she’ll go home or not, until 6 weeks have passed, as it takes 6 weeks for a bone to heal up. So mom’s job right now is to try to rest as much as she can, then once she’s in the rehab facility, she should really apply herself. As I told my aunt, “if she hasn’t even gone to the rehab facility and thinks she won’t go home ever, then it’ll be a self-fulfilling prophesy and she won’t ever go home.
So, much in the way my sister has used mom’s hospitalization as an excuse and opportunity to be a monster to me (because I’m not acting how she expects/wants/demands), not-to-be-out-done, mom has lashed out at mom’s oldest friend (friend of 60 years), calling her friend and informing her how mom expected other people to let her down but never thought that her oldest friend would let her down. (Mind you, her friend has mobility issues of her own, and also has family issues, i.e. her daughter has MS that is out of remission.)
Furthermore, mom also appended this (to my aunt) by saying, “AND I DON’T CARE IF I HURT HER.” I said to my aunt, that if “I” lashed out at my best friend like that, I’d be too ashamed to even share that information, and certainly wouldn’t be sharing that detail with other people! Now mind you, all my life, I had wished that my mom's friend were my mom. She is without a doubt the sweetest woman--perhaps even sweeter than my mother-in-law (of whom I view as a goddess). I would have to really strain myself to find even one remotely negative thing to say about her. And for my mom to basically SHRED her and not give a damn? What a monster!
I said to my aunt, “It’s a good thing you called me at 9 p.m. If she’s going to be a mean “little” girl, then I’m putting her in a time out and not able to call her now.” As my aunt was getting ready to leave the hospital, she said, “See you tomorrow!” And mom replied, “If I don’t die in the middle of the night.” Granted, I know that unstable blood glucose can make people downright nasty; however, the skeptic that I am, I am believing that glucose is only 50% of the equation—the other 50% is mom’s innate nastiness/manipulative nature.
As horrible as that is as a statement to conclude a visit, to wallow in death ideation, if she just wants to die so badly, why even be in the hospital at all? Why bother with the charade? If she wants to die--JUST DIE. We all have better things to do with our lives than to go through this circus yet one more time.
Also, if she did die in the middle of the night, I'd be upset, naturally, however, my focus right now is to think about her friend B, and how she probably was having a lovely-enough day up until mom abused her on the phone, and knowing how B probably spent the greater portion of the afternoon weeping as a result.
I'm more worried about B than Audrey. And while I do think that as mom's best friend, she probably knows how vicious mom can be to others. I just hope this was the first and only time mom has been vicious to B. I can only deduce that YES it was the first and only, because any other rational person who is not related to her by birth or marriage would have ended the friendship DECADES ago.
I said to my aunt how it’s now become obvious to me that my relationship with my mom is (as it's always been) unbalanced, that even though from the outside looking in, it might seem like my relationship with her is better now than it’s been in years (and better than my sister's relationship with her), and it might be true, but it’s not because Audrey was doing ANY of the heavy lifting involved to keep the relationship afloat. The mere appearance of the relationship being goodish is entirely due to me doing the heavy lifting, retraining myself and my impulses, and that mom has remained the same person she always has been. I have been the one who has been doing all the giving, and she has been doing all the taking (and benefiting from it).
8/4/17 ETA: Mom lashing out at her friend B turns out to be the very first time in their 60 year friendship that mom lost her shit with B. SIXTY YEARS. I'm impressed!
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