Natural State of Being: Instigator

I call Audrey on Sunday as it was nearing a full week since my last call. And our calls pretty much now are a weekly call whose sole purpose is to check in on her and hear that yes, she is still here in the land of the living.  She's got nothing going on, hardly anyone calls her or visits, and she leads a pretty solitary life, partly by choice, and partly as a consequence of being handicapped and house bound due to neglect, which, let's face it: was by choice. Even choosing to do nothing is still a choice. Choosing not to act is still an action.

And rather than dwell on all that obviousness and get sucked down the vortex of negativity, of THAT hot mess further, let me just share what transpired.

So, whether directly or indirectly--whether intentional or unintentional, Audrey asks the customary thing, as if in 46 years of life I'd ever, ever forget when my sister's birthday was, and asked "Did you call your sister to wish her a happy birthday?"

Audrey KNOWS better than to ask me about my sister.
Audrey KNOWS the shitstorm that was stirred up in December.
Audrey KNOWS my sister and I are not speaking.
SURELY, this is a hook, baited with a big, fat, passive-aggressive worm.

"No," was my response.
"Why not?" was hers.
"Given she does not want to talk to me, I figured I'd honor that."

She then got a bit agitated, AS IF *I* were the one who was shit stirring. She's too far into her delusion or ignorance to realize it is SHE who is shit stirring.

"It is what it is. I'm not losing sleep over it, neither should you," I stated calmly. I continued to make small talk until it was obvious it was time to conclude the call.

The truth of the matter is, my sister does not return calls or simply PICK UP the phone. Whether mom calls or I (in the past) called, we were met with voicemail or if we called the house, my niece or brother-in-law would stonewall us. And that's okay. That's her delusion. Choosing not to answer the phone is an action, and there are consequences to that (one of which is estrangement, alienation etc) And this current state of non-talking is part of that delusion too. It doesn't change my status or experience, and yet somehow, the silence is even MORE deafening, and profound, and yet, oddly comforting.

As I've always said before, perhaps it might come off a bit glib, but it's something I feel firmly about: If you cannot be remotely loving or supportive, I'll gladly accept your silence.

So, in an unexpected turn with this little saga, I'm glad.