All Family Warfare is Based on Deception

Truly, reading "The Art of War" truly applies when dealing with Audrey.

"All warfare is based on deception." 

True. True. The illusion/delusion is fully at play with her. She lives in an alternate reality, parallel to ours, only way more fucked up. A reality where she isn't this tragic, weak, narcissistic, sociopath, devoid of conscience and self awareness. Deception, indeed. Thinking she's deceiving us all, yet, deceiving herself in the process. Full on flail mode happening.

"If you know both yourself and your enemy, you can win a hundred battles without jeopardy."

Only in this warfare, there is to be NO winning. Or at a minimum, surviving won't necessarily feel like winning, given the cost (all or nothing, shunning, etc from Audrey and whatever family members choose to side with her particular reality).

"If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant."

 Interesting thing about that "choleric temper" and pretending to be weak. It doesn't take much to raise Audrey's ire. And pretending to be weak? Well, I am who and what I am. Whatever weakness might be perceived is an illusion or construct of Audrey's own warped imagination.

Typical conversation with anyone in our family goes along the lines of, "Hey, have you talked to so-and-so?" Well, the last time my sister asked Audrey if Audrey has heard from me, Audrey snarled back, "I wish you'd stop asking me that. It's like you're stabbing me in the heart with a knife each time you ask that." Sis' response to that? "Okay, I won't ask again!" 

So the last few weeks have been interesting to say the least.

My sister finally got her Dx re: the mass on her lung, and it's resolving itself, and is mercifully NOT the Big C, and turns out to be pneumonia which is resolving itself. Sis also has been seeing a psychiatrist for help dealing with/managing her stress, depression and off-the-charts anxiety, which Audrey's never ending supply of demands and cunt-i-tude has been exacerbating.

So, color me surprised when my sister called me on Friday to let me know that she finally laid out her boundaries with Audrey, and in no uncertain terms is Audrey to call her more than 2x a day. And if my sister or her husband come to the house for an errand? That counts as one of the two calls. So far, so good. And of course, Audrey being... AUDREY, is pissy and her way of taking it out on my sister, is to spite her by NOT CALLING. Win-win scenario!

Of course all this was taking place during roughly the ten days when I just couldn't get around to calling Audrey before falling asleep in front of the tube etc. Dinner + t.v. = snooze fest, then I'd wake up around 10 or 11, too late to call Audrey. And well? The phone works both ways, and no call received. I kept thinking I'd get around to calling Audrey eventually, and then the phone rang (see previous blog post). And I guess that call was too normal to be taken on its own merit, so this blog post is pretty much the back story of what was going on, leading up to Audrey calling me.

I am condensing the story substantially, but the nuts and bolts of the discussion with my sister involved:

• Sis detailing in no uncertain terms about how many calls she will entertain during the day;
• Audrey pointing out the obvious "weakness" in my sister and I, how we obviously got that from dad's side of the family (since in her warped reality, dad's family is the only family with emotional issues--and further talking smack about my father, who's been dead 6 years at this point)
• Sis acknowledging that no matter what she does for Audrey will never be good enough because it's HER doing those tasks and not me or my brother. Again, furthering my point of view that no matter what anyone does for Audrey, it'll never be good enough.
• BONUS! The evening aide who comes in to cook dinner for Audrey, is loud and obnoxious and is driving Audrey crazy. Also? She's got the balls to go toe-to-toe with Audrey's abuse and dish it right back at her.

I've pretty much hit my limit of listening to Audrey talk smack about my dad and his family. Dying has not been enough to get her to shut the fuck up about them. It is obvious Audrey lacks any respect, for us or for dad's memory, to just keep her yapper shut. Ever the victim, ever the self-righteous cunt, she's got to keep opening her mouth and letting the carelessly cruel stupidity and vitriol just vomit forth.  

The Art of War is also in line with the philosophy of Krav Maga. The first two principles are:

1. Avoid war (or attack) at all cost.
2. If war or attack is unavoidable, end it quickly.

After plenty of consideration, the next opportunity I get (subtext, if she talks smack about dad, or poo poo's mental illness), my verbal pike has been sharpened to a point and I plan on skewering the fuck right out of her with this:

1. The man's been dead six years, isn't it time you just let him rest in peace? (to which she will no doubt escalate things, in which case...)
2. Want to know what weakness IS? Neglecting yourself for nearly 70 years, being isolated, depressed and miserable and NOT SEEKING HELP TO FIX THAT (to which, if she doesn't hang up the phone, she will continue to escalate things...)
3. Since you'll never learn to keep your mouth shut,  I'm done. See you at your funeral. (At which point I will just hang up.)