More Related Thoughts

I wish my sister were not acting/reacting from a place of such empathy or caring (or perhaps martyrdom).

Boundaries are healthy. My sister has enough health issues and responsibilities of her own. Audrey is too self-absorbed to give a fuck about it all. There is some talk that Audrey will come home, but she’s unable to tend to herself on her own. So sis is setting up a home aide to be there about 5 hours a day, 3 hours in the a.m. and 2 hrs in the later evening. And of course, Audrey is furious about this. She’s got this unreasonable expectation that my sister be the one to do all the step-and-fetching and all the ass wiping and laundry and and and, the list just goes on and on.

My sister thinks that I am able to keep up boundaries because of geography, but Audrey could very easily be calling ME 30 times a day like she calls my sister. And Audrey doesn’t. Why not? Because I refuse to answer the phone, especially during the day at work. Bottom line is, Audrey is in a stable environment, getting 3 squares a day, getting her meds on time, getting physical therapy, has a roof over her head, etc etc. There is NOTHING ON PLANET EARTH that is so dire that necessitates 30 telephone calls a day. Hell, even if Audrey called 3x a day, once after each meal, that would still be pushing the limit, imho. But who am I? I’m not there. And I’m certainly not the person who has assumed Audrey’s burden as their own. Anything I could possibly say at this point comes off as a criticism, even though it really just comes from a point of caring (for my sister).

A friend of mine asked me why did I bother visiting Audrey if she’s just so horrible. Well. I did so out of my own sense of selfishness. I have a healthy enough ego to say that. I did it because the day’s conditions were optimal (the weather was great, my pain was less), and I figured I put it off long enough, get it over with, like pulling off a bandaid. Like I said in my blog post, I laughed at myself, knowing how thankless my deed was. Ultimately, I did it for myself, not Audrey. And if I had to say I did it for someone, I did it for my sister, so it was one less visit she had to make.  I did it for my own satisfaction in knowing I did what I was able to do, nothing more. 

My therapist was impressed that I set an alarm, and a time limit on the visit. Looks like I’m right on track with things. I feel I’m being reasonable. My sister verbalizes she understands, but I know too well her frustration. But she could do what I’m doing. It just takes a lot of work, mental fortitude and consistency to do this.