Having Normal Impulses For Abnormal People

Last time I saw my mother was December, so we're now into the seventh month without seeing her--this is one of the longest times I've gone without a visit, save for 2009 when I avoided her entirely (after the whole manipulation involving the facade of dad's "Memorial Mass," which was nothing more than a regular Saturday evening Vespers, where mom paid $5 donation for the candles). 

But I still have pangs. And funny thing is, just when I think to myself, "It's been a while since I spoke to mom," she'll call me; and visa versa, she'll think about me, and I'll call. In this case, she was saying on Sunday how she hadn't heard from me, and in Monday's mail was a care package I sent (which I sent on Saturday!), nearly a case of these sugar free cookies she likes (which I get at the Dollar Store), a few books and some magazines. 

She called to let me know the parcel arrived, and I let that go to voicemail (just to maintain the boundary that unless it is an emergency, I am at work). And I called her first chance I got after work. And we had a normalish conversation.

"I'd really like to see you."  See? Even she, in all her abnormal-ness, is able to articulate normal sentiments (at times!). This wasn't said in a pathetic tone, either. No manipulation. Just a genuine parental sentiment. See? She's capable of it! (when the mood strikes her)

"I'd really like to go out to lunch with you," was my reply.  

But the reality is, she hasn't left her home since roughly Mother's Day 2014, when she came home from the nursing home. And she's to the point now where her stamina is so reduced, even the act of showering and getting herself dressed, something so BASIC, actually tires her out. Even my sister the LPN who lives local, the one who thinks she does so much for mom, won't go to the trouble of taking mom places outside her house, because it's just not worth the risk. I just wish there were some form of transport option for mom, so if she wanted to go out, she COULD.

I wish I could get the husband to go with me, to keep me company especially on the longer ride home, especially given my hypoglycemia (and the fact the ride home is 3 hours, and within that time frame, I will start to wane, and sometimes get the shakes and get fatigued, and I"d feel better, safety wise, if someone were with me), but there's no convincing him of it. And my mother knows this, too. 

The excuses write themselves: the nearly three hour drive puts my back in spasm; Memorial Day to Labor Day the traffic to the shore is just HORRENDOUS; and then add to it the hypoglycemia, and well, to say I'm reluctant, is an understatement.

Let's see what I can do.