What Do You Make of This?

A brooch?
A pterodactyl?

Seriously. I got my birthday card from Audrey, received a full eight days before my birthday. It's an otherwise non-descript birthday card, the kind you get in a bundle perhaps with some pre-printed return address lables when you make a donation to AMVETS or St. Jude's Children's Hospital. You know the type.

I guess it's good she remembered to send a card at all, rather than either overlook or forget it. But to send it nine days early when we're no longer in the era of the Pony Express? The mind reels at the possible subtext:

• Could she have some mental acuity/mental diminishment going on, perhaps the result of poor health, which is causing her to either lose track of what day it is or perhaps what day my actual birthday is? 
• Could she be attempting to force an interaction in the form of a phone call (despite the obvious I call her once a week)?

Now if that were not confounding enough, the sentiment she wrote inside was a bit "off. "

At first, I read it as "Have a nice life." Which, given 46 years of verbal and emotional abuse, hostility and jealousy, I could easily envision her saying to me, given how active my life is, and how much I travel, and perhaps she could be jealous of that? Perhaps. And perhaps the response was a put down?  I don't know, really. I just found this sentiment a bit at odds with being in a birthday card.

And then another part of my mind kicks into gear, "Perhaps she meant it sincerely. Perhaps." And then all I could do was just chuckle at it. Chuckling at myself at analyzing it as far as I have, when really, she probably didn't give it all that much thought. Maybe it was sincere.

But reading it a second time, I realize I read it wrong, and "Have a great life." Still, instead of reading and inferring a put down, now I view it as having a more ominous vibe along the lines of a "final statement" she wants to leave me with before she dies. (Note: No new dramas with her health, she's stable to my knowledge.)

I received the card on Monday. My actual birthday is NEXT Tuesday. And thus far, I have held off on calling her regarding receiving the card.

And yet oddly, a part of me wants to send her (granted, the cheapest arrangement available) flowers to arrive on my actual birthday. Because, well. Why not? The day isn't all about me. But also her. I'm debating the exact sentiment for the card: "Sorry about what I did to your vagina all those years ago." 

End Note: Sunflowers are her fave. So I went with that. Something nice and cheery to commemorate the day I tore her twat to shreds.  But to be honest? I hope it cheers her up. If you're confused reading, imagine how conflicting it is for me to live this way. 

ETA: Turns out she mailed it so early out of concern she'd forget to mail it at all. I have to laugh at myself for over-analyzing this to the degree I have, and hope she enjoys her flowers tomorrow.