Day 32: Quick & Radical & Necessary

Very long boring story short—I made the quick & radical decision to retire early. Between mom dying 4 years ago and all the unresolved grief, and continuing to work in a toxic work environment which kept me highly emotionally activated and stressed out in a negative feedback loop, I did what was necessary for my mental and physical well being, and extricated myself, and retired. I did not feel psychologically or physically safe in that workplace, and I could not see myself suffering along for another six years until I reach age 62. 

Today is day 32 since my last day in the office, and besides a few moments of doubt, wondering if I did the right thing, it has been a solid gold decision. 

My husband says he thinks I am 90% less anxious and 50% less grumpy. And I have seen changes in how I respond to questions (such as “how are you?”which previously would have vexed me. 

I have also noticed I am not catastrophizing as much/if at all. 

I will take my victories where I am able. My trauma therapist, my psychiatric nurse practitioner (and myself!) all see this as an enormous improvement. For the first time in a very long time, I am seeing improvement, and I am daring to hope that moving forward things will be transformative.