To suffer one loss is bad enough and tests one's resilience; however, from May 2019 until present moment, my personal support system has really taken a battering.
At the end of May 2019, I had a traumatic injury where I wasn't sure if I'd be able to walk unassisted again. This was met with a startling lack of empathy from someone I had considered a friend for 17 years.
August 2019 hit me with several one-two-punches. First my favorite "bossman" went out on disability super quick. Then my great-aunt died. Then my friend Dennis died. Then my friend Susan (I posted other blog posts about her) got diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer.
September 2019, my therapist, with whom I made some good progress, took another job elsewhere, too far for me to continue our weekly sessions.
Somewhere's in the mix, I realized my mom's sister was engaging in their family's favorite pastime--spreading rumors (this time about me). This devastated me as I always thought we were close. How close can people be if jealousy is involved?
December I saw mom for what was our very last visit.
January was a flurry of usual daily chaos, plus we traveled to Las Vegas for a get away. Mom was sick, so I didn't visit--we were social distancing for years as a family long before the nightmare of COVID.
February mom was sick again. Same with March. And the nursing home was quarantined as they thought they were dealing with the flu.
Early April mom got notified the virus was in fact in the building. By the end of the month, first she was terrified and inconsolable, screaming out for my dead father. Then she fell silent, heavily sedated, waiting for the sweet release of death.
At the beginning of May 2020 she died. October 2020 Susan died. November yet another friend retired. My circle of support getting smaller, and the pandemic robbing me of a proper way to deal with my grief.
Soon it'll be mom's birthday, and then Easter and Mother's Day. And hopefully not too long after that we'll all be vaccinated against this plague; however, for me, as of this moment, I doubt I'll snap back. I feel changed, broken.
Though my circle of trust/support system has taken some hits in the last 21 months, I am super appreciative of the friends that do remain and help me as best as they can. Each friend has their own gifts/strengths to share. I am a lucky person to have them in my life.
